I recently went looking through my Facebook stati looking for a specific one from several months ago and  ended up spending a couple of hours trawling through random articles I posted, funny status updates I made, and arguments I’ve gotten into over the past year. Rather than let them vanish into the ether (Facebook appears to delete your feed after three years), I present a selection of my favourite status updates over the past year, that you may be entertained, and they might be preserved.

This blogpost is in two parts, and the second part will be published tomorrow.

  • Sarah McCulloch nipped up to town today and came back with a toolbox, an adjustable wrench, WD40, some paintbrushes, and 3 cans of seitan. God, I am so gay.
  • Sarah McCulloch watches. And is always there. And may have burned down the theatre des vampires.
  • Sarah McCulloch “The first two blows, didn’t really do anything, but then I took a really, big, hit. *sound of bong being used*” – …hang on, what the hell kind of chill-out dance is this?
  • Sarah McCulloch Love Wikipedia: “Gaga stands in a kitchen, wearing a folded-up telephone on her head, while dancers cavort behind her, wielding salad tongs and assorted cutlery. Ultimately, she prepares a sandwich and eats it, after a dance sequence.”
  • Sarah McCulloch Robi: “Ooh, look, this condom really does smell like coconut.” *holds up to Cat Rylance* Cat: “…I’m good, thanks.”
  • Sarah McCulloch She prefers she, she prefers she, she prefers she, she prefers she, they prefer they, they prefer they, they prefer they, they prefer they, they use she/he depending on context and name, they use she/he depending on context and name… #relearningfriendspronouns
  • Sarah McCulloch got the tissue out! Yay! No trip to the hospital for me!
  • Sarah McCulloch Well, no surprise in the Guardian headlines: “Lloyds accused of false accounting”, “Church in new child sex abuse allegations”, and oh yeah, “Bring back brothels, says French MP”. Yep, no surprises there.
  • Sarah McCulloch has thrown in the towel at 22.5 miles. Not because she couldn’t hack the walking, but because the Co-codamol she took induced nausea. The irony of having to drop out because of an insensible drug policy is palpable.
  • Sarah McCulloch You know you live in a house of gays when Evanescence’s My Immortal comes on Youtube and half the room starts absent-mindedly singing along under their breath…
  • Sarah McCulloch No, really, new socks. God, it’s going to be great.
  • Sarah McCulloch “I think we should view your year as [elected UMSU sabb] as a case of biological determinism v. social constructionism. Cos I think you are born with a spine and you seem to think you can grow one.” God, I’m witty sometimes.
  • Sarah McCulloch “They’re not in our name, they’re not in my name, which is Tara Hewitt…” – Anon.
  • Sarah McCulloch Andi Sidwell: “It’s like killing two birds with one stone. Or maybe two rocks with one bird, if you had a dead bird lying round and like, two small really dried rocks that have already started to crumble. Like in a mine or something.”
  • Sarah McCulloch Dear library, just a note to say that when you refuse to let me take out books because my fines are too high, I put the titles in Google scholar and read them there instead. Defeating your bureaucratic, authoritarian system. So ner. Love, Sarah.
  • Sarah McCulloch truly proved she was her Environmental Health Officer mother’s daughter when in a tense moment between Susan and Gabrielle in the last Desperate Housewives her attention was entirely taken up by Gabrielle handling a bowl of salad right after touching raw meat. EW.
  • Sarah McCulloch “There just aren’t any gay sleaze websites.” “Besides gaysleaze.com?” “Oh yeah.”
  • Sarah McCulloch “What the fuck is up with this music? What are we listening to?” “Karaoke Busted.” “!!!”
  • Sarah McCulloch is going to stop obsessing over Google Analytics and DO HER BLOODY COURSEWORK. GO DO IT NOW, SARAH.
  • Sarah McCulloch Perhaps the only time Sarah would ever support a one world government is when the *stupid* American networks stream their shows online for U.S./Canada only. #idliveunderdictatorshipifigottoseethedailyshowmoreoften
  • Sarah McCulloch So, in Dante’s Cove you can replenish your magical powers by having hot sex with hot men and this allows you to draw “raw, natural energy from the earth”? I see… 0_o
  • Sarah McCulloch “Besides, aren’t you with the other one now, the one who says “dude” and seems not to own a shirt?” LOVE Dante’s Cove.
  • Sarah McCulloch is in a room with a bunch of dress-wearing lunatics.

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