Archive for the ‘Articles’ Category

What It Actually Feels Like to be Autistic

Monday, November 28th, 2011

Imagine you’ve gone to a different country, one where people speak your language but the way they live their lives is completely different to how you do it. Any time you ask someone a question, like what sort of currency they use or what public transport is available, they look at you like you’re crazy and tell you that you should already know. Worse, every so often, others will tease you and point you out to other people as someone who doesn’t get the simplest things. Angry, frustrated and confused, you give up asking questions and try to avoid having to speak to anyone about things you don’t understand. You try to work out what’s going on by watching the other people around you and trying to copy what you see for the duration of your stay.

Now imagine that you are autistic, that that country is your society, and the duration of your stay is the rest of your life. This is the reality for autistic people.

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“The first time I met another gay person I broke out in a cold sweat.”

Monday, October 10th, 2011

This article was originally written for a private zine about coming out experiences, and has now been published on LiberateYourself.co.uk.

Jolie pitt2 The first time I met another gay person I broke out in a cold sweat.

...this is quite nice.

You know, I was writing my CV today and as I was looking it over, I realised it was quite, um, gay. “Coordinator, LGBT WikiProject”, “Delegate, NUS LGBT Conference”, “Bi rep, UMSU LGBT”. I spent a brief moment thinking that maybe, maybe it would be a bad idea to go around announcing my sexuality to any potential employer looking. Our society’s pretty down with people like me, but there’s still plenty of homophobia going around. So I thought about it for a second. And then I thought, “Yeah, fuck them”, and kept gaying up my CV. It’s like the Graham Norton of CVs now.

Because what’s my life worth if I can’t actually live it? I’ve done my time in the closet. I had my lightbulb moment when I was 14 when I fell for my best friend – she was mildly homophobic, I was in an all girls’ school where I was bullied quite a lot. I subsequently spent three miserable years trying to hide that fact from her and everyone else. I knew I was one of millions of LGBT people, I knew that teenager-falls-for-same-sex-best-friend is nothing new, but that’s really all besides the point when you’re the only one you know, you know? The first time I met another gay person I broke out in a cold sweat. The first time I came out on a message board, I realised a friend had once used the same message board, freaked out and spammed fifty other forums so that one post wouldn’t show up on my account if she had happened to look at it. Sometimes, I literally struggled to breathe.
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